


Expectations

by Nayas_Wankys



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Addiction, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Band Break Up, Beards, Bisexual, Break Up, Camren - Freeform, Depression, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fifth Harmony - Freeform, Gay, HIGHKEY ANGST, Jealousy, Lesbian, Loss, Love, Music, Musicians, Norminah, Recreational Drug Use, Sex, Slow Burn, relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 16:50:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15733500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayas_Wankys/pseuds/Nayas_Wankys
Summary: Ever since the break up of the band the girls had thriving in their solo careers. Camila and Lauren especially, what happens when the fame starts to chip away at the armour surrounding their three year long relationship?orCamren angst, like hella lots of it.(Sorry?)





	Expectations

Things hadn’t been good for a while. They hadn’t been smooth sailing, there were a few icebergs in the water, a small portion showing upon the surface but the real damage and horror hiding underneath the surface.

 _Lauren_ felt like she was on the Titanic, heading straight for the iceberg. Except she didn’t have a Jack Dawson to save her or a wooden door to stay upon, she was going to sink with the ship.

 _Camila_ felt as if she was watching the carnage occur, felt like she had won box office seats to the event. She had that horrible feeling, the feeling when everything is in slow motion, when you know you should have followed your gut instinct when it set off those warning bells of in your ears, in your stomach. She just didn’t know how to listen, she had always been stubborn like that. 

She looked over at Lauren’s back, seeing the slow rise and fall of her lover’s side. Wishing she could reach out and hold her, cry with her, establish that she never wanted this to happen. She never wanted them to drown together, she wanted to be the one to save Lauren. She watched the girl’s steady breathing before sighing to herself and rolling to the other side of the bed and stretching up into a sitting position, her small legs barely reaching the carpeted floor. She sat on the edge of the bed for a few moments, listening to her girlfriend’s breathing before silently getting up and leaving the room. 

Hearing the door click is what made the first tears fall from Lauren’s eyes. She wasn’t asleep, that was something she rarely came by anymore, but to hear Camila sneaking out again? She felt her hear crack more, she was surprised she even had any remaining pieces. Rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling she let the tears flow freely. 

_Why the fuck does it hurt so much?_

She knew why it did. Camila was the love of her life, her one and only. Yet she was the one causing her so much pain. She heard the front door of their apartment open and shut and she let out a huff of disbelief.

“Asshole.” she muttered into the empty and silent room, her eyes glanced over to her bed side table, a picture frame was perched on top of it, the photo of her and Camila smiling back at her  mocking her in the darkened room. She reached out and picked up her phone; **01:13.** She knew that Camila would stumble back in at the same time, like she does every night, smelling of women that weren’t her, smelling of spirits that she never drank around her, smelling like cigarettes. 

Smelling nothing like the woman she fell in love with. 

Sighing to herself, knowing she wouldn’t be getting any sleep until the Latina came home, she rose out of the bed and put on her silk robe. The material sliding against her skin like a cool blanket, the tight knot in her chest remained but she felt a little more at ease with the silk rubbing against her skin, a reminder that she can still feel. 

Reopening the bedroom door, the one Camila closed quietly not moments ago, she entered the living room of her apartment. Of _their_ apartment. She looked around the place, feeling as if she was in a foreign land, this hadn’t been home for a while but her naivety had lead her to still be standing there. _Same time, every night._ Wiping the tears from her eyes and continuing her journey, she went into the kitchen and turned on the coffee machine.

She didn’t need the caffeine to stay awake, she knew that until Camila came home she would be on constant edge. But the drink was comforting, making her feel more grounded than what she truly was. The hum of the machine filled the empty apartment, Lauren went about picking up her favourite mug from the sink, the very mug that Camila painted for her on their first date. 

_“Camz what are you? Three?”_

_“Oh come on Lauren, your inner softie is loving this!”_

_“When you said a date I thought you meant doing actual adult activities?” Lauren wiggled her eyebrows at her best friend, Camila let out a snort._

_“Yeah ok Romeo, save it for later. But for now, painting ceramics is some cute shit! Admit that when Sam did it for Quinn on Glee your heart melted a little bit.” Lauren rolled her eyes at the smaller Latina but a small smile did emerge. “There’s my girl.” Camila placed a kiss on her cheek, causing both girls to blush profusely._

Her heart clenched at the memory, they were so young. So in love and too scared to take the first step, anything remotely affectionate caused them to turn into blabbering teenage messes. Lauren smiled briefly at how innocent their relationship had started. The machine made a sound signalling it was done and she poured the hot coffee into her mug, she use to have cream and three sugars, Camila always bringing out her sweet tooth. But it seemed as if her body couldn’t even enjoy the sugary goodness anymore.

Sitting down on the lounge she retrieved her notebook from the coffee table, thankful that Camila didn’t feel the need to snoop around her belongings, she opened the book and flipped the pages until she ended where she had left previously. Taking a sip of her coffee before placing it on a coaster she studied her scribbles. Whenever she was writing a song, the pages always meshed together and the words were illegible but she liked it, an organised mess of sorts. 

The whole situation with Camila, the fact that they weren’t communicating, the fact that she felt as if their three year long relationship was crumbling around them, all she could was write. She was too embarrassed to tell their friends, to tell them that they were unhappy. Well at least she was, Camila didn’t ever talk about her feelings so she never knew where the other girl was at. 

_All these tears that I cry when I’m tucked to the side…_

Reading the line over and over, she tried to imagine how it would sound, how the guitar riff would come in, how her voice would crack on certain words. She tested it out a few times, it felt incomplete, how did she want to finish it? 

“All these tears that I cry, when I’m tucked to the side,” she sighed before picking up a pen off the coffee table, she tried out a few options. 

“And you’re not fucking there.” 

“And you’re somewhere out there.”

“And you don’t care.”

She tried out a few more variations, none of them felt right, sipping her coffee angrily she needed a break through. She rarely got writer’s block on something so close to home, she should be able to let the words flow out, _so what the fuck was the problem?_ Feeling her blood boil at the fact that Camila was gone, she thought back to the last half hour. 

_Camila lying there silently, making no effort to cuddle her. Breathing slowly, silently, as if she didn’t want Lauren to know she was there. Shuffling around in the bed, pulling the covers back, sneaking out of their bed._

Angry tears formed in her eyes and she read the line again. 

_All these tears that I cry when I’m turned to the side…_

“And you’re in the same fucking bed.” the lightbulb went off in her head and she quickly scribbled down the lyrics, hands shaking with anger and hurt. A few tears fell from her eyes and she quickly brushed them off the paper, making sure it didn’t smudge the fresh ink. 

That thought made her examine the pen in her hand. _Fuck, of course it’s Camila’s._ The Latina always wanted a quill-like pen, like the ones that they had in Harry Potter. Lauren thought Camila was a complete dork for spending so much time writing fake acceptance letters to Lauren, the pen had been a rare find in a market on the street, but Lauren doesn’t regret the pricey purchase. She would do it all again if she could.

Placing the pen back on the coffee table, capping it before she did so, she slouched back into the couch. Everything around her was Camila. The house that no longer felt like a home, the couch she was lazing on, the pen, the mug, even the fucking _smell._ She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what she was currently doing. She knew that they were unhappy, that Camila’s continuous late night adventures, the shifty eyes. The lack of physical intimacy.

She just didn’t want to admit it.

“What if she doesn’t love me anymore?” she asked the empty room. Even saying it out loud made her heart clench painfully. Clenching her jaw she willed herself not to cry anymore, it made her eyes puffy and sore and she didn’t want to feel anymore weak that what she was. Running her hands down her face she chose to forego the writing, all it did was make things hurt more, and she decided to distract herself with the TV. 

_Won’t be long until Camila comes home anyways._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, dunno how many chapters this will be or the general direction will be? But fuck knows, buckle up for an angst ride kiddos.
> 
> Leave a comment and SURELY kudos, bookmark, print if and send it to your mother. Whatever you want!
> 
> xoxo, Joanne


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